he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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