Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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