Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Who died my cat blue again?
as a side note pls kill me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
