4 words: hood of his car
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
