Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
