There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
