You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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