All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
