is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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