when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need a burrito and a hug.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
