Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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