SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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