just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
