I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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