that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
