I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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