i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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