I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
