Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
