He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
