sarcasm needs its own font
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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