worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
