don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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