This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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