Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I need moral support for this bender
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
