He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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