Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
