last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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