Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
