You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
