Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
