My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
