im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
