Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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