Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
