you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
