is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
