hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
