When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
