Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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