I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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