Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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