I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
