she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
