turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
