Those balls look pretty dangerous.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
