his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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