Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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