you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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