God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
